I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
