i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize