just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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