that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
