I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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