So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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