Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
