This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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