Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
