somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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