Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
