About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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