You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The feeling are messing with the penis
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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