The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
