Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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