So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
