I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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