Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
