Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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