why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
