It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
