There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize