Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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