my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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