y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
