Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
