I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
