I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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