I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
