Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just pee around me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize