I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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