Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
