I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
