yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
