You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
