Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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