Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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