Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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