maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
