Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
