you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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