you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize