Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
