worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
