ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
