is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
