im six kinds of drunk right now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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