Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
