well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
