Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
