that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
