Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
