What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
