Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
