got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
