GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize