covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
