Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
