this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize