got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
