All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
