I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
