I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
