Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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