8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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