thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
