I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
