The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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