it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
