but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's like iHOP with fire
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize