Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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