kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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