did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
