I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize