AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
