I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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