I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
