Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
