know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize