so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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