p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
