My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
