There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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