i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize