Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
