i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
