just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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