i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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