She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
