After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
