Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
