There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
