Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
