Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
