Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I fill condoms, not promises.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
