I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
