Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize