i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
