So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
