She's JV to your varsity
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize