Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
