Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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