why didn't you poke me back
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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