I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
