my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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